Words Matter

WORDS. They're weird. They can be awkward. Hurtful. They have healing power, but can also bring destruction, discouragement.

My mom passed away 2 weeks ago yesterday. I can't fully fathom that still. It's been a long 2 weeks to say the least. 

I just want to start off saying that it has been very interesting hearing what different things people try to say in the midst of a tragedy. I mean, I really have been truly interested in how people react and cope. I am not posting because I have been offended or to make anyone feel bad about their words. Without knowing thi

s sort of pain, I would not have known what to say to you if the roles were reversed. 

I am honestly writing this because it's something I am learning, something I want to be able to do differently when I have the chance to help carry the burden of pain for someone else. And, as most of you know from reading my mom's novels of though-provoking thoughts and struggles, I believe this is exactly something my mom might have written about and posted.

I would have been the one to say or at least think "There are no words." The more I hear that phrase, however, the more I am frustrated with it.

The phrase is true in one sense: there are absolutely NO WORDS that can be said to take away the pain or to bring back my mom. That pain is hard enough to bear, but I am so thankful that I do not have to mourn as if I will never see her again. I WILL. 

I thought about what she might do or say...what she HAS done or said to people in the midst of great loss or tragedy or hardship. She may have said that same phrase to express that she was aware of the fact that she could not stop the pain for them and that only Jesus can heal and restore hope. Knowing my mom, however, she would not have stopped there. She knew the POWER and LIFE that words could bring to people and she lovingly ran into the pain of others with the truth that God had given her to speak. I admit, sometimes words are not necessary and there is a need for being slow to speak meaningless or thoughtless words. Sometimes the only truth you can muster up to say is already known & silence is more fitting.

BUT each of you has truth to be said - not meaningless truth. Truth that you feel the urge to share & maybe are afraid to - (I have been there & have held back from saying anything). I can't say that words of truth have eased the pain of losing my mom in the last few weeks. No words really can, but the simple truths that people have been bold enough to muster up and share with me have rebuked lies, drove away demons, and pointed me to the ONLY one who can heal and comfort and give me hope. (That's JESUS by the way)

So when you see someone hurting, you're right. There are no words to do what you wish you could - take the pain away. I've seen the pain in the eyes of people who look at me, the pain that they can't take it all away for me. That is such a hopeless place to be until you realize that God can do what you can't. If there's a small truth to be said, please say it when the time is right. The truths I heard came in all different ways: stories of my mom, a picture, a scripture, "He Knows," "God has her. God has you," "I love you," "It's not your fault," a text, prayer, a gift, a note, a "jar of hope," and sometimes just a look or touch of knowing. It's also okay to be extremely honest and say that you're not sure what to say or do. 

You don't need a sermon or the perfect words, but if there are words in your heart, don't be afraid to say them. Someone may need you to fight the darkness when they can't.

I am incredibly thankful to those who have done and continue doing so much even though you feel helpless to do anything that matters in the midst of this. I am so blessed by my family, friends, coaches & mentors, and co-workers (who I really consider friends) who have been willing to walk with me through the pain, the awkwardness, the tears and running noses, the melt-downs, and hopelessness. It's not easy. I see your heart in wanting so badly to do something to take it all away. I don't know what I would do without that willingness to be messy and real...true support - you resemble what the body of Christ looks like.

As I have been crying out to God recently in the midst of my pain, I have felt Him constantly say "I KNOW." He knows. 

This lead me back to this quote that I will end on:

"Beloved Daughter, though you do not know what lies ahead; I KNOW. And that is ENOUGH." -GOD